


Secrets Revealed

by rasyaharidy



Category: Glee
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-01
Updated: 2014-04-01
Packaged: 2018-01-17 20:06:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1400800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rasyaharidy/pseuds/rasyaharidy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for Kurtbastian Week 2014, Day 1: Dalton!Kurtbastian:<br/>Future!Fic: Kurt came home earlier and spotted Sebastian’s old journal while he was in Dalton. He found out things he never thought he’d find, and Sebastian got mad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secrets Revealed

**Author's Note:**

> I think this fits Dalton!kb, as the journal explains Seb’s Dalton life… in this story, he had been in Dalton since s2, but he didn’t join the Warblers until s3. This story sets in, like, 2018 or so.

It’s a rare night when Kurt came home earlier than Sebastian. They had been roommates for four years and dating for two years by now, and Kurt can count with only one hand how many times he came home earlier than Sebastian. It’s not because Sebastian was less busy than him, but it’s because Sebastian _always_ take his papers home. At the first day he stepped his foot on Vogue.com, he had vowed not to bring work home, thus making him stay at work later than Sebastian.

Today had been really tiring for Kurt, but the crew had finished the next month’s issue just barely an hour before the deadline, and all Kurt wanted was to see his boyfriend with his reading glasses perched on his nose, sitting on the couch reviewing something from his classes. Instead, he got a voicemail from him informing that he won’t be home until almost midnight. Family problem, he said. Kurt didn’t ask; the Smythes can be pretty rough when they want to.

Since he has nothing to do (or _nobody_ ), he just wandered around the place, fixing small things up and maybe read a book or two in their study. The fun thing living with a Smythe: you get a study room even though your flat isn’t that huge. There is only one table in the room, but loads of bookshelves in the room. They split the bookshelves fairly; the left side is Sebastian’s while the right side is Kurt’s, and whatever on the table is a shared possession; computer, stationery, lamp, notebooks.

Kurt was about to leave the desk when something caught his eyes; a worn-out red small book that looks like a journal. He’d never seen the book before. He took the book in his hand, weighted it, and opened the book.

 

_Sebastian’s Journal_

 

He never told me he had a journal, Kurt thought. Sebastian always teased him for keeping journals about his day on his phone and Kurt had teased him back, saying everyone keeps a journal, which Sebastian disagreed. “I don’t, baby, because I don’t suck like you,” he said back then with his trademark smirk.

Kurt flipped to a random page; the papers were starting to become yellow, and when Kurt checked the date: November 9, 2010. He started to read and he was shocked on what’s the content.

 

_The Warblers did another Katy Perry impromptu performance. Blaine dragged someone out of the school to the common room. Didn’t know he was that powerful. I’m getting bored with Blaine and his fixation on Perry. Also, the boy Blaine dragged was cute. Liked him._

 

Kurt didn’t need to remind himself that Sebastian had seen him when he posed as a Dalton student. He was the subject of the journal. He started to read further…

 

_November 14, 2010_

_Blaine hadn’t dragged that boy around. Sigh, he was so beautiful._

_November 29, 2010_

_Blaine’s new boy is not an outsider! :D He’s a Dalton! He’s a warbler too. He took the prettiest warbler title from Jeff the moment he walked into the room. Oh my god, he’s so beautiful…_

_November 30, 2010_

_The Warblers tied with New Directions. What the fuck?_

_December 17, 2010_

_Kurt—the boy’s name—‘loves’ Blaine. He claims that he loves Blaine. I have no shot with him. I’ll call off the flowers and the romantic shits off. Blaine is better than me anyway, heh?_

Kurt had to slam the book shut for a while. One, Sebastian was already in Dalton when he transferred. Two, _Sebastian actually had a crush on him before trying to steal Blaine from him the next year for crying out loud_. Three, ‘ _I have no shot with him_ ’— _Kurt Hummel, in high school_ , had someone crushing him one-sided and he didn’t even—

This is fucked up, Kurt thought to himself. He tried to even his breath and started to read again, now jumping to the next year.

 

_November 8, 2011_

_Almost one year after the first time I’ve seen Kurt’s face, and I just had my first interaction with him. Thanks to Blaine, obviously. Playing the smitten fan of Anderson’s ass has its perks, I guess. Off to Scandals, can’t talk._

_November 19, 2011_

_Blaine **won’t** stop talking about Kurt. I swear I need to stop him sometimes. Kurt this, Kurt that, Kurt whatever. It’s not that I complain, but… like, I know your boyfriend is the most perfect creature in this stupid world, but— **stop**. I’ll figure things about Kurt when he’s **my** boyfriend._

_December 6, 2011_

_Kurt stated he hates me._

_There goes my wish of dating him. I’ll just go back to fuck and chuck._

_December 25, 2011_

_Merry Christmas. Apparently they’re hosting a Christmas special show on some channel. I swear if Kurt doesn’t get the appropriate solo, I’ll make the channel lose all their money._

_January 1, 2012_

_Happy New Years. Blaine told me his family is visiting his oh-so-awesome Hollywood star brother Cooper in LA, and that he will stay in touch with Kurt via Skype and whatever. I’ve had enough information to fall in love with one Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, even though he hates me._

_January 16, 2012_

_I blinded Blaine. I swear to God, I didn’t mean to! I wanted to hurt Kurt so maybe he would understand how hurt I am as when my love toward him keep on growing bigger and bigger, his hate towards me keep growing bigger and bigger as well. I love him and he hates me and it **hurts**. Now I know why I vowed not to fall in love, especially to someone who hates me. I hate me too, so I can’t blame Kurt. _

_I’ll keep my distance. I already hurt Kurt; I don’t want to make it physical or worse…_

_I’m such a bad guy. I hate myself._

_January 17, 2012._

_I took the blade again._

_January 18, 2012_

_And again._

_[there’s a paper stuck in a foreign handwriting, not Sebastian’s]_

_January 19, 2012_

_Mr. Smythe had shown a sign of his self-mutilation side again. I have prescribed these medicines for him to take regularly to stop him from being depressed. I think Mr. Smythe must see this Kurt and just… talk to him. Maybe he’s the only one who can stop Mr. Smythe._

-          _dr. Anaya Isle_

_January 19, 2012_

_I’m a freak all over again. I want to die. It’s not just Kurt! My father pressures me to be an attorney, my mother pressures me to be **perfect** , my family pressures me to continue their business! I’m 16! I don’t know a thing about me being an adult with steady economy! Besides, our money traces back to the Medieval Age, **they need to stop pressuring me.** _

_I only put Kurt here to make myself look half as desperate. Apparently Anaya doesn’t get it._

**_My own psychiatrist doesn’t understand me_ ** _, when she’s the **only one** who usually does. _

_I have **no one**._

_I want to **die**._

_January 25, 2012_

_They’re putting me into some rehab right now. Apparently my desire to die is too high._

_They need to stop making me feel like a failure._

_I know I am one._

_January 31, 2012_

_Goodbye._

_February 21, 2012_

_Hi. I was revived from my nth suicide attempt._

_Bear Cub committed as well. I visited him in the hospital and I just told him about myself and he— he’s awesome. He doesn’t pity me._

_Maybe he’d be a good companion in the future._

_For now, I’ll keep my distance._

_Note: I hate how Kurt looked at me when I apologized to them. His eyes… he **pities** me. I don’t like it when people pity me. It makes me feel weak. _

_Smythes aren’t weak._

Kurt had to stop his sobs and closed the journal when he heard Sebastian coming into the house. “K, I’m home!”

“K? Where are you?” Sebastian asked as he walked around the flat, his eyes finally caught the dim light from their study room. “K…” He went in with a big grin plastered on his face, ready to engulf his boyfriend in a tight embrace—just to see his boyfriend of two years holding his high school journal in his hands.

“How did you get that?” Sebastian yelled. “You weren’t supposed to find out about that book! Give that back!” Sebastian roughly snatched the book from Kurt’s hands, photos and papers all scattered in the process.

“You have no right… you invaded my life!” Sebastian screamed as he tried to assemble all things that were scattered over the floor. Kurt stood on his knees trying to help when he took one of the photos, and it showed Sebastian half-naked with scars marring his body.

“Which one is…” Sebastian got cut when Kurt showed the photo in front of his nose. “Why didn’t you tell me? There are no scars in your body! You don’t—I don’t—”

“You never worship my body like I worship yours, K.” Sebastian snatched the photo from Kurt’s hand, slipped it between the journal pages, and left.

 

 

 

“Good morning.” Kurt said stiffly as he gave Sebastian a mug of coffee and a plate of waffles, his favorites. “Sebastian, can we talk?”

“I have a meeting with Uncle Seth at ten. Can’t talk.” Sebastian said as he finished his coffee in one sip and took a huge bite from his waffle before putting on his coat and just left—he didn’t even kiss Kurt goodbye.

 

 

 

After a few days, Kurt had enough. Sebastian hadn’t said more than five words to him after that incident and Kurt had _enough_. He paraded to the company and went straight to Sebastian’s office. He slammed the door open and grabbed Sebastian from the collar and pinned him to the wall with all strength he had in him.

“We’re going to talk, whether you like it or not.” Kurt threatened. Sebastian sighed and pushed Kurt away, locked the door, and lied on the couch. “What?” he said.

“You—you were in love with me and you led me to believe that you despise me while in high school.” Kurt started. “You were—or maybe still are—depressed and you hated—or still do—yourself and I don’t know about this and we’ve been dating for two years.” He took a deep breath. “You have some explaining to do.”

“I’m still in love with you, Kurt Hummel.” Sebastian said. “And I’m not depressed anymore. I don’t think so, at least. And I still hate myself. End of story.”

“Why do you have to close yourself off from me? I’m your boyfriend, Sebastian! I love you and I know you love me too, since you just said that, and—please…” Kurt kneeled next to Sebastian and put his head next to Sebastian’s.

“You were so happy with Blaine. You were even engaged to him for fuck’s sake. I didn’t stand a chance.” Sebastian replied. “And for my depression, I…” Sebastian took a deep breath and unfolded his shirt, showing scars from his youth. “I’m ashamed of them, K. I’m afraid you’d leave me. I’ve worked so hard for you to finally _see_ me, and I don’t want you to be disappointed so I tried my best not to drag you in this. I’m sorry. I don’t want you to leave me. I love you so much.”

“Sebastian…” Kurt whispered as he glided his fingers through the scars. “You’re beautiful to me. No matter what.” He said as he kissed Sebastian’s shoulder. “I love you too. I wouldn’t leave you just because you cut yourself—oh no, baby don’t, Sebastian…” Sebastian had started to cry and buried his head on Kurt’s shoulder.

“I just—my family thinks that cutting is for the weak, so I’m the weakest in the house. They think being gay, although they’re okay with it, is strange, so I’m the strangest in the house. I’m also the smartest, so I’m the nerd in the house. I’m the weirdest, Kurt. I’m so used not to tell them—except my parents and Anaya—anything, because I want to feel like a true Smythe.” Sebastian explained. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Kurt kissed Sebastian’s cheek. “So, journals are only for losers, huh?” he joked.

“Shut up.” Sebastian pinched Kurt’s waist and laughed with him.

Maybe he didn’t need to close himself from everyone.


End file.
